Am I Too Traumatized to Be in a Relationship? Guide from a Portland Oregon Marriage/Couples Therapist
When you’ve experienced trauma, it’s natural to wonder if it has left you “too damaged” or “too broken” for love. The truth is, trauma can deeply affect how we relate to others, and trauma can cause psychological distress, lower self esteem, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. However, it does not disqualify you from building meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Healing and connection are possible—and understanding the signs of trauma can help you take steps toward both.
Trauma can originate from a traumatic experience, such as emotional abuse, betrayal, or childhood adversity. These experiences can negatively impact your sense of self-worth and self esteem, making it challenging to trust others or feel deserving of love.
Introduction to Trauma
It might start with a memory that won't let go. Maybe it's a single moment that changed everything, or a series of painful experiences that slowly wore away at your sense of safety. Trauma isn't just a difficult memory—it's something that can completely reshape how you see yourself, others, and the world around you. Whether it comes from emotional abuse, sexual violence, domestic violence, or other overwhelming experiences, trauma leaves marks that go much deeper than the surface. Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is one of those recognized mental health conditions that can develop afterward—but here's the truth: trauma's impact spreads far beyond any single diagnosis. It can shake your ability to trust, to connect, to believe that relationships can be safe.
Relationship trauma, especially, can make it feel like you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The effects show up in everyday moments—making it hard to feel secure, to hope, to let your guard down when someone says "I care about you." But here's what matters: understanding what trauma really is and how it affects your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can be the first step toward something different. With the right coping strategies and support from a mental health professional, healing becomes possible. You can begin to rebuild that sense of safety, brick by brick, and move toward relationships that actually nurture your well-being instead of threatening it. Together with the right support, you can find your way back.
Causes of Trauma
Trauma doesn't always unfold the way we might expect—with one dramatic, life-altering moment. Sometimes, it's the quiet accumulation of living with abusive relationships, emotional wounds, or physical harm—often from the very people who were supposed to keep you safe. Other times, a single shattering experience, like an accident or unexpected loss, can set off a cascade of pain that ripples through every part of your life. Here's the truth: trauma shows up differently for everyone, but what connects all these experiences is their power to shake the very foundation of how safe and trusting you feel in the world.
When you've walked through traumatic experiences, your mind and body often develop ways of protecting you—what we call PTSD symptoms. These might look like avoiding anything that reminds you of what happened, or dealing with intrusive memories and flashbacks that show up when you least expect them. You might find yourself thinking differently about who you are or how the world works. Living with traumatic stress can make even simple daily moments feel overwhelming, affecting how you connect with others, manage your emotions, and find joy in life. Understanding where your pain comes from isn't just helpful—it's essential for finding the right path forward. When you can name the roots of your experience, you and your mental health professional can work as a team to create a healing approach that makes sense for your story and helps you reclaim your sense of safety and hope.
What are the 7 symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) develops after experiencing or witnessing a life-threatening or overwhelming event. PTSD can result from a single traumatic event or repeated traumatic experiences, such as those in abusive relationships, domestic violence, or sexual violence.
The seven most common symptoms include intrusive memories or flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, avoidance of reminders of the trauma, sleep problems (such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, or disrupted sleep patterns), and changes in mood or cognition such as guilt, shame, or hopelessness. Symptoms may include intrusive symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, and unwanted thoughts. Symptoms may vary from person to person, and not everyone will experience symptoms in the same way. While not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD, these symptoms can impact how safe and connected you feel in relationships.
Do people with PTSD struggle with intimacy?
Struggling with intimacy is a common and deeply felt challenge for many people living with PTSD. Intimacy, whether emotional or physical, requires a sense of safety and vulnerability—two things that trauma often takes away. If you find yourself pulling away from your partner, feeling emotionally numb, or struggling to feel present during close moments, please know you are not alone. This is not a personal failing; it is a very real and understandable response to overwhelming experiences.
Trauma rewires the nervous system for survival. This means you might live with a constant sense of hypervigilance, always scanning for danger even when you are with someone you trust. The very closeness that intimacy asks for can feel threatening to a nervous system that has learned to associate vulnerability with harm. This can lead to:
Avoidance: You might avoid deep conversations, physical touch, or sexual intimacy because it feels too intense or overwhelming.
Dissociation: During intimate moments, you might feel disconnected from your body or your emotions, as if you are watching yourself from a distance. This is a protective mechanism your mind uses to cope with perceived threats.
Triggers: A certain touch, sound, or even a feeling of being physically close can unintentionally trigger flashbacks or intense anxiety, pulling you out of the present moment and back into the past trauma.
Shame and Trust Issues: Trauma can leave deep wounds in your sense of self-worth and your ability to trust others. You might believe you are "too much" or that your partner will eventually hurt or abandon you, making it hard to fully open up.
Navigating intimacy with PTSD is not about pushing through the fear. It’s about creating safety, one small, intentional moment at a time. Healing happens when you learn to listen to your body and honor its need for a slower, more deliberate pace. Here are some gentle steps you can take with a trusted partner:
Prioritize Communication and Consent: Talk openly about what feels safe and what doesn't. Consent isn't just a one-time "yes"—it's an ongoing conversation. You can say things like, "I'd love to be close, but can we start by just holding hands?" or "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, can we pause for a moment?"
Create Rituals of Connection: Build safety through small, consistent, non-demanding moments of connection. This could be sharing a cup of tea together every morning, spending five minutes talking about your day without distractions, or giving a hug that lasts for twenty seconds to help regulate your nervous systems together.
Practice Mindful Grounding: When you feel yourself becoming anxious or disconnected, gently bring your awareness back to the present. You can do this by focusing on your breath, feeling your feet on the floor, or noticing five things you can see in the room. This reminds your nervous system that you are safe right now.
Plan for Repair: Triggers will happen, and that's okay. The goal isn't to avoid them completely but to learn how to repair the connection afterward. Have a plan with your partner for what to do when one of you is triggered. This might involve taking space, using a grounding technique, and then coming back together to talk about what happened once you feel calm.
These challenges can feel overwhelming to navigate on your own, and that is where professional support can make a significant difference. A trauma-informed therapist can help you understand your nervous system's responses and develop skills to feel safer in your body and in your relationships. In therapy, you can process the root causes of your intimacy struggles in a safe space, reducing the pressure on your partner to be your sole source of healing.
While PTSD can create significant hurdles to intimacy, it does not close the door on connection. With patience, self-compassion, and the right support, you can absolutely build a relationship that feels both safe and deeply intimate. Healing is a journey of reclaiming your right to feel secure, loved, and whole.
PTSD and Daily Life
Living with post traumatic stress disorder can feel like you’re carrying an invisible weight that makes even the simplest routines feel overwhelming. Those PTSD symptoms—the intrusive thoughts that show up uninvited, the way you find yourself avoiding certain places or people, that constant hypervigilance that keeps your nervous system on high alert—they don’t just affect you for a few minutes. They seep into everything. Your ability to focus at work starts to slip away. Time with family members feels distant, like you’re watching through glass. Healthy relationships? They begin to feel impossibly complicated when you’re just trying to make it through each day.
A mental health professional can become your greatest ally in navigating these choppy waters. When you work with a trained counselor or therapist, something shifts. You’re not just talking about your problems—you’re building a personalized toolkit of coping strategies that actually make sense for your life. Maybe that looks like learning to identify triggers before they blindside you, or practicing stress management techniques that feel doable instead of overwhelming. Through talk therapy, mindfulness, and other evidence-based approaches, you can start to feel the weight lifting. Your overall mental health begins to stabilize, and stress doesn’t feel quite so crushing.
What we learn from trauma research is that you can’t heal in isolation. Building a strong support network isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. Those trusted friends and family members who really see you? The support groups where people understand without you having to explain? They become the safety net that catches you when past relationship trauma or other difficult experiences threaten to pull you under. And don’t underestimate the basics—regular exercise that gets your body moving, nourishing meals that fuel your recovery, and prioritizing sleep that actually restores you. These aren’t just nice ideas; they’re the foundation that supports your mental well-being and helps you weather the storms of traumatic stress.
What therapy is best for complex trauma?
When you’re dealing with the deep, layered impact of complex trauma, the question of which therapy is “best” is incredibly personal. There isn’t a single, one-size-fits-all answer, because the most effective approach is the one that feels safe, respectful, and tailored to you. Healing from complex trauma, which often stems from repeated or prolonged painful experiences like ongoing family conflict or emotional neglect, is a journey, not a quick fix. The right therapy honors this by moving at a pace that your nervous system can handle.
At its core, effective therapy for complex trauma follows a phased approach:
Stabilization and Safety: Before diving into painful memories, the first and most critical step is building a foundation of safety. This phase focuses on helping you feel more grounded in the present moment. We work together to develop resources and coping skills to manage overwhelming emotions, regulate your nervous system, and create a sense of stability in your daily life. This is where you learn to feel more in control, even when difficult feelings arise.
Processing and Grieving: Once you feel more stable and have a strong therapeutic relationship built on trust, we can begin to gently process the traumatic memories. This is done carefully and intentionally, so you don’t become re-traumatized. The goal is to help your mind and body understand that the threat is over, allowing you to grieve the losses associated with the trauma.
Integration and Reconnection: In the final phase, the focus shifts to integrating these healing experiences into your life. This means reconnecting with yourself, with others, and with a sense of meaning and purpose. It’s about moving from a life defined by survival to one where you can thrive, build healthy relationships, and look toward the future with hope.
To support this journey, we draw from a range of evidence-based, trauma-informed modalities. A skilled therapist will often integrate different approaches based on your unique needs, preferences, and cultural background. Some of the most effective methods we use include:
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): This approach helps the brain process and store traumatic memories in a way that reduces their emotional intensity. It can be incredibly effective for “unsticking” the distressing images, beliefs, and body sensations associated with trauma.
“Parts Work” (Informed by Internal Family Systems - IFS): This compassionate approach views the psyche as being made up of different “parts.” Some parts may carry the burdens of trauma (like fear or shame), while others have developed as protectors (like the part that avoids intimacy or works constantly). Therapy helps you understand and heal these parts, fostering inner harmony and self-compassion.
Somatic (Body-Based) Therapies: Trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind. Somatic approaches, like Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, help you tune into your body’s sensations and release trapped traumatic energy. This might involve simple, mindful movements or learning to track your physical responses to stress, helping your nervous system complete self-protective responses it couldn’t at the time of the trauma.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): For those in relationships, EFT is a powerful tool for healing attachment wounds. When complex trauma impacts a partnership, EFT helps couples understand their cycle of conflict, de-escalate fights, and create new, secure patterns of connection and emotional safety.
Deciding between individual and couples therapy depends on your goals. If you’re primarily focused on your own internal healing and stabilization, individual therapy is the best place to start. If the trauma is actively affecting your relationship dynamics, bringing your partner into the process through couples counseling (or doing both) can be transformative.
The “best” therapy is a collaborative process built on trust and cultural humility. It respects your wisdom and readiness. If you are in Portland or online in Oregon, Washington, or Illinois, and you’re ready to explore what a personalized, compassionate approach to healing complex trauma could look like for you, we invite you to reach out. The first step is a simple conversation to see if we’re the right fit to support you on your path to wholeness.
Let’s be honest: PTSD can make relationships feel like walking through a minefield. Trust issues, emotional numbing, those avoidance behaviors that once protected you but now push people away—they all make forming and maintaining healthy relationships incredibly challenging. But here’s where couples counseling or individual therapy can be a game-changer. You start to address relationship problems not by avoiding them, but by understanding the why behind them. Communication improves when you learn to express what’s really going on underneath. With a mental health professional guiding the process, you can identify those triggers, manage symptoms as they arise, and slowly—carefully—build healthier interpersonal relationships.
In some cases, therapy for PTSD may be complemented by medication. Health care providers can help determine if medication is appropriate and manage your overall treatment plan. In addition to standard options, other medications such as antidepressants or anxiolytics may be prescribed alongside therapy to help manage PTSD symptoms and related mental health conditions.
Here’s what’s important: reaching out for help isn’t giving up—it’s the bravest thing you can do. Seeking professional help is a crucial step in healing from trauma, especially if you have experienced abuse or toxic relationships. When you connect with a mental health professional and start developing effective coping strategies, you’re not just surviving anymore; you’re taking meaningful steps toward actually living again. Whether you’re working through past relationship trauma, learning to manage PTSD symptoms that have been running your life, or rebuilding healthy relationships from the ground up, support is out there waiting for you. With time, patience, and the right resources in your corner, something beautiful happens: stress begins to ease, your well-being starts to flourish, and daily life transforms from something you endure into something you can actually enjoy.
What are the four behaviors of a person with trauma?
People with unhealed trauma often struggle with patterns of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—the four instinctive survival responses. These behaviors are often driven by intense feelings such as fear, anxiety, or shame. These can show up in relationships as frequent arguments or defensiveness (fight), withdrawal or avoidance (flight), shutting down emotionally (freeze), or people-pleasing and sacrificing personal needs to keep the peace (fawn). When experiencing the freeze or fawn response, people may feel afraid in certain situations, which can trigger these protective behaviors. These behaviors aren’t intentional flaws—they’re protective strategies your nervous system learned to keep you safe.
What is trauma dumping?
Trauma dumping happens when someone shares painful experiences in an unfiltered or overwhelming way, often without considering timing, consent, or emotional boundaries. It usually stems from a desperate need to be heard and validated. While it doesn’t mean the person is bad or unworthy, trauma dumping can strain relationships if it feels like one partner is unloading without mutual care or balance. Therapy can provide a safe and structured space to process trauma, reducing the pressure on romantic relationships to carry the entire emotional load. In therapy, individuals can process their thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, which helps manage emotional responses and work through trauma-related emotions. Developing coping skills in therapy can also reduce the pressure on relationships and improve emotional resilience.
How to tell if you have relationship trauma?
Relationship trauma develops from painful dynamics in past relationships—such as abuse, betrayal, neglect, or abandonment. Some people develop relationship PTSD or post traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS) as a result of abusive or unhealthy relationships. Signs include difficulty trusting, fear of vulnerability, intense jealousy, expecting rejection, or being triggered by certain behaviors that remind you of past harm. Trauma bonding can make it difficult to leave harmful relationships, especially when an abusive partner is involved, as their controlling or manipulative behaviors reinforce the bond. You may notice yourself sabotaging closeness or clinging tightly out of fear of loss. Recognizing these patterns doesn’t mean you’re doomed—it’s the first step toward breaking them.
What is a relationship trauma?
Relationship trauma is a specific kind of pain that comes not from a single, isolated event, but from damaging experiences within a relationship that was supposed to be safe. While all trauma is deeply personal, relationship trauma cuts to the core of our need for connection. It happens when the very people we turn to for love, support, and safety become the source of our deepest wounds. You might hear different terms for this experience, such as “relationship PTSD,” “post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS),” or simply “traumatic relationship syndrome.” All of these point to the lasting impact of being hurt by someone you trusted, often as a result of a traumatic situation that can have long-term effects on mental health.
This type of trauma can stem from a variety of painful dynamics, including:
Abuse: This includes physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse, such as sexual abuse, which involves non-consensual sexual contact or behavior.
Betrayal: Such as infidelity or a profound breach of trust that shatters your sense of security.
Chronic Criticism or Neglect: Constant belittling, dismissal of your feelings, or emotional unavailability can be just as damaging as more overt forms of harm.
Inconsistent Caregiving: Experiencing a caregiver who was sometimes loving and sometimes frightening or absent can create deep-seated confusion and anxiety about love.
Abandonment: Being left, either physically or emotionally, during a time of need.
When you’ve experienced relationship trauma, your nervous system learns that intimacy can be dangerous. As a result, you might find yourself stuck in survival patterns even in new, healthier relationships. You may recognize some of these signs in yourself:
Hypervigilance: Constantly scanning your partner’s mood or behavior for signs of a shift, bracing for the other shoe to drop.
Fear of Intimacy: Pushing people away or avoiding vulnerability because getting close feels too risky.
Intense Jealousy or Mistrust: Finding it nearly impossible to believe that your partner is being honest or will remain faithful.
People-Pleasing (Fawn Response): Sacrificing your own needs and boundaries to keep the peace and avoid conflict or abandonment at all costs.
Emotional Shutdown (Freeze Response): Feeling numb or disconnected from your emotions as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings.
Trauma Bonding: Feeling an intense, unbreakable connection to a person who has hurt you, often mistaking the cycle of abuse and repair for passion. Trauma bonding is especially common in an abusive relationship, and the psychological effects can last long after the relationship ends.
These aren’t character flaws; they are deeply ingrained survival strategies that your nervous system adopted to protect you. Relationship trauma directly impacts your attachment style—your internal map for how to connect with others. It can leave you feeling chronically unsafe, making it difficult to give or receive love without fear.
Beginning to heal from relationship trauma is a gentle process of teaching your nervous system that safety is possible again. It starts not with forcing trust, but with building it from the inside out. Here are a few compassionate first steps:
Educate Yourself: Understanding the dynamics of relationship trauma and its effect on the nervous system can be incredibly validating. It helps you see that your responses are normal.
Focus on Stabilization: Before processing the past, work on creating a sense of safety in your present. This can include grounding techniques, mindfulness, and creating routines that feel predictable and calming.
Practice Gentle Boundary-Setting: Start small. Practice saying “no” to something minor or asking for a few minutes of space when you feel overwhelmed. Boundaries are about honoring your own capacity.
Build Safe Connections: Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Nurture connections with friends, family, or support groups where you feel seen, respected, and accepted for who you are.
Consider Therapy: Working with a trauma-informed therapist can provide a secure base to explore these wounds. A professional can help you process what happened, understand your attachment patterns, and develop new ways of relating that feel both safe and fulfilling.
Healing from relationship trauma is a journey of reclaiming your right to feel secure in connection. It’s about learning to trust yourself again, and eventually, to open your heart to the kind of love that nurtures, rather than harms. With patience and support, building a relationship founded on genuine safety, respect, and intimacy is entirely possible.
Traumatic relationship syndrome is another term used to describe the lasting impact of relationship trauma.
People with relationship trauma may avoid forming new relationships due to fear of being hurt again.
How to tell if you are trauma bonded to someone?
A trauma bond forms when an intimate relationship between intimate partners cycles between intense connection and painful mistreatment, often in abusive or manipulative dynamics. You may feel unable to leave despite being hurt, confuse chaos with passion, or mistake intermittent kindness for love. Trauma bonds are powerful because they play on the nervous system’s reward and fear cycles. If the cycle is not broken, trauma bonding can increase the risk of future abuse. Awareness and support are crucial in breaking free from these patterns.
Can trauma stop you from loving someone?
Trauma can make love feel complicated or scary, but it doesn’t erase your capacity for love. Instead, it may block your ability to trust, open up, or believe you deserve love. Many people with trauma find that when they begin to heal, their natural capacity to give and receive love re-emerges stronger than before. Trauma doesn’t erase love—it only places protective layers around it.
Can you be in a relationship if you have trauma?
Yes. Having trauma does not mean you can’t be in a healthy relationship—it means you may need extra care, patience, and healing along the way. Trauma survivors may face unique challenges when entering new relationships, such as trust issues or fear of vulnerability. Trauma may shape how you connect, but it doesn’t define your worthiness for love. With the right support—through therapy, self-reflection, and compassionate partnership—you can move toward secure, nurturing connections. Relationships can even become part of the healing process, offering experiences of trust, safety, and acceptance that help rewire old wounds.
Self-Care and Self-Compassion
Maybe you've heard it before—that healing from trauma isn't just about digging into the past. But here's what's equally true: it's about how you nurture yourself right here, right now. Self-care and self-compassion aren't just buzzwords—they're lifelines for anyone working through traumatic experiences. Those moments when you carve out time for yoga, or sit quietly with your breath, or let meditation slow down your racing thoughts? They're not just nice-to-haves. They're making a real difference in how you manage PTSD symptoms and supporting your mental well-being in ways that matter. These practices help calm that overwhelmed nervous system of yours and create pockets of peace, especially when life feels like it's spinning out of control.
But here's the part that might surprise you: practicing self-compassion is just as powerful. Think about it—you'd never speak to a close friend the way you sometimes speak to yourself, would you? Trauma has this way of filling our heads with harsh criticism and those painful beliefs about who we are. But when you start treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer someone you love, something shifts. Your self-worth begins to rebuild, and those healthy relationships you've been longing for become more possible. Remember, healing isn't a race—it's okay to take those small steps, to stumble sometimes, to be human in this process. Mental health professionals can walk alongside you as you develop self-care routines and cultivate that gentler inner voice, helping you manage symptoms and find your way forward on this healing journey that's uniquely yours.
Building a Support Network
Nobody should have to walk through trauma by themselves. Building a strong support network is vital for your healing journey, wrapping you in a sense of safety, validation, and genuine connection. Those trusted friends, family members, and support groups? They're not just people in your life—they're the ones who offer a listening ear and remind you that you're not carrying this weight alone. When you share your feelings and experiences with others who truly understand—whether you're sitting across from them or connecting through online communities—something powerful happens. You start to process those traumatic events in ways that feel manageable, and you discover coping strategies you never knew existed.
In addition, professional resources can be game-changers in your healing process. Mental health services administration, substance abuse treatment centers, and counseling services aren't just names on a directory—they're gateways to individual counseling, family therapy, or couples counseling that's specifically tailored to your needs. These supports do something beautiful: they don't just help reduce those heavy feelings of isolation, they actually empower you to take control of your own healing journey. When you surround yourself with people and resources that genuinely care about your wellbeing, something shifts. You begin to rebuild trust—not just in others, but in yourself. You develop healthier relationship patterns that actually serve you, and you strengthen your mental health as you move forward from trauma, one step at a time.
As you move through each stage of healing, remember that progress is never linear. There will be days that feel hopeful and days that feel heavy—but every effort you put into understanding and caring for yourself paves the way for deeper connection and change. Healing from complex trauma is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.
Final Thoughts: Healing Is Possible
Being “too traumatized for love” is a myth. Trauma affects you, but it does not define you, nor does it mean you cannot build lasting relationships. Healing takes courage, vulnerability, and support—but every step forward matters.
If you see yourself in these patterns, know that you are not broken. You are a human being who has survived difficult experiences, and you are worthy of love, healing, and connection. With time and guidance, you can create the kind of relationships that honor your story while allowing you to grow into the safety and closeness you deserve.
Four Steps to Begin Therapy for Relationship Trauma in Portland Oregon and online in Oregon.
1. Reach Out to a Therapist
Fill out our brief contact form, and one of our therapists will connect with you within 24–48 hours (excluding holidays). You don’t have to carry the weight of trauma alone—we’re here to listen and support you.
2. Connect with a Therapist and Schedule Your Session
We’ll start with a free 15-minute consultation to see if we’re the right fit. From there, you can schedule your first online counseling session at a time that works best for you.
3. Share Your Story with Us
Before your first appointment, you’ll receive a secure intake link where you can share important background information. This helps us tailor your sessions to meet your unique needs and experiences.
4. Attend Your First Therapy Session
Your initial session will focus on understanding your story, your challenges, and your hopes for healing. Many clients leave feeling relief just knowing they’ve taken the first step toward change.
Other Services We Offer for Individuals & Couples
At Spark Relational Counseling, we recognize that trauma is only one piece of your story. We provide a variety of services to support your healing journey, including:
Therapy for Anxiety in Washington, Oregon, and Illinois
Trauma-Informed Couples Counseling
Infidelity Counseling, Marriage Counseling, and Premarital Counseling
Dating & Relationship Therapy for womenlooking to build confidence and trust
Therapy for Entrepreneurs navigating stress and work-life balance
Online Therapy: Secure, accessible telehealth services for those who prefer or require remote sessions, making therapy convenient and flexible.
Therapy for Adult Children of Immigrant and Cross-cultural Individuals, we value diversity and cultural sensitivity, and offer support for individuals navigating the unique challenges of having immigrant or cross-cultural parents.
Whatever you’re facing, you don’t have to do it alone.
Let’s work together to move past the weight of trauma and build relationships that feel safe, supportive, and deeply connected.
