Mindfulness-based Virtual
Affair Recovery Therapy
in Oregon ,Washington, and Illinois
Helping you navigate through the emotional rollercoaster so that you can rebuild trust and feel good together again.
Wondering if your relationship can
weather the storm of infidelity?
Do you want to give your marriage a
shot after dealing with broken trust?
You found out that your partner cheated. The shock hits you like a punch to the gut. Your heart starts to race and your mind whirls with questions. You feel overwhelmed, like a rug just pulled under you. You find yourself asking: "Do relationships really survive after such a painful experience? Is there any hope that a we can be good again after something like this? "
However, You have lots to invest in the relationship and you are not sure if you are ready to call it quits. In fact, when you made the promise to be by each other's side, through ups and downs, joys and sorrows, you meant it. And, the weight of betrayal is real. It feels like your world has crumbled beneath your feet, leaving you grasping for a sense of stability in the chaos of emotions swirling within you. You feel confused, sad, and scared, sometimes your feelings can change from moment to moment.
Or perhaps, you have made the terrible mistake of betraying your partner's trust. You feel guilty and ashamed of your actions. You really want to make it right. You feel overwhelmed and in fact, you feel lost in why you have made those terrible choices. What you do know is deep down, you still love and care deeply for your partner and the thought of losing them is unbearable. You are willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild your relationship and prove to them that this will not happen again.
With Mindfulness based Affair Recovery Therapy, we will help you navigate through the difficult emotions so that you can rebuild trust, and feel good together again.
No matter which side you are on, this is a difficult position to be in. Cheating is a betrayal and can feel traumatic, sometimes to both partners. It is completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions in the wake of betrayal. At times, it may seem like too daunting of a task to know where to begin. However, Affair recovery counseling offers a path forward after such turmoil. Many couple do survive after infidelity. Can you stay after an affair? Yes. You can stay and work through the issues. No, your relationship doesn’t have to end.
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Consider seeking help if:
Trust issues are impacting your relationships.
You blame yourself for your partner's infidelity.
The emotional turmoil from the affair is affecting your daily life.
You want to salvage your relationship but don't know where to begin.
If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of anger, sadness, resentment, and guilt and you are unable to break the pattern,
You are trying to work it out with your partner and it feels like you are struggling to move forward despite genuine intentions to heal from both ends.
You experience persistent doubts and insecurity that at times feel inconsolable.
Obsessively seeking details about the affair, questioning a partner’s honesty, and experiencing jealousy indicate persistent doubts and trust issues. A continual need for reassurance and fear of future betrayal, leading to controlling behavior, are symptoms of unresolved insecurity post-infidelity, which may be related to insecure attachment styles.
Professional assistance through a mental health professional or couples therapist can support you and your loved ones in overcoming insecurity and rebuilding trust.
Hello, I am May, Affair Recovery Specialist
I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I specialize in working with couples on issues around betrayal and trust.
Through mindfulness-based affair recovery therapy, I will help you attend to your needs, communicate your emotions, take responsibility, and rebuild trust so that you can feel relieved and truly ready to move on together.
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Affair recovery therapy provides a safe space for couples to unravel the complex web of emotions stemming from the affair. With that in mind, couples can confront and process the lingering effects of the affair, such as betrayal trauma, emotional distancing, and communication breakdown. This therapeutic approach encourages the exploration of underlying emotional needs and vulnerabilities, leading to heightened self-awareness and a deeper understanding of each partner's communication style.
Moreover, affair recovery therapy aims to cultivate renewed intimacy and comfort within the relationship. By addressing negative communication patterns like defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling, you and your partner can foster healthier and more empathetic modes of interaction. Through professional support, you are empowered to navigate the intricate emotional landscape post-affair, ultimately fostering the resilience needed to emerge stronger and more connected than before.
In essence, affair recovery therapy offers the potential for profound insight, emotional healing, and the opportunity to rebuild a loving, trusting, and enduring connection with one's partner. Embracing professional help in this journey can lead to a renewed sense of intimacy and understanding within the relationship, paving the way for a brighter future together.
How Does Counseling help Infidelity Affair
Recovery and Healing Broken Trust?
As dedicated marriage and family therapists, we understand the pain and confusion that can accompany an affair or a broken trust. Our approach to Affair Recovery Counseling is designed to help couples navigate through this challenging time and create a stronger, healthier relationship.
Here’s an overview of what you can expect
during our affair recovery therapy sessions:
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Our first step in the affair recovery process is to ensure the relationship's stability. This involves identifying what you and your partner need to feel emotionally safe right now. We would talk about what each of you needs to ensure the day-to-day function. Everyone deserves to feel stable and reassured that their life will not fall apart from now on.
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Once a sense of safety is established, we delve into the heart of the matter - the affair or what ever the secretive behavior that caused the betrayal. This step is about transparency and open communications. It's when the betrayed partner gets to voice out their pain, express what feels important, and articulate their needs, and the one who strayed acknowledges their actions' impact, takes responsibility, and offers a sincere apology. This honest dialogue is the first step towards rebuilding trust.
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Next, we explore the life of your relationship prior to the affair. We'll identify strengths, pinpoint vulnerabilities, and determine how these factors might have contributed to the affair. This step helps you take a reflect look at your relationship. By doing that we invite toy to think about what you need to help your relationship be stronger in the future.
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Having navigated the initial stages of recovery, it's time to envision your future. We'll discuss strategies to prevent recurrence of infidelity, identify areas where your relationship can be fortified, and explore ways to rekindle joy and intimacy. This step is about creating a more robust relationship that can withstand future challenges.
Importantly, the journey doesn't end here. Continued work and growth are key to a stronger, happier marriage. Together, we'll cultivate improved communication techniques, healthier habits, and discover new ways to connect. As you reacquaint with each other, you'll find the joy and humor that may have been lost along the way.
We believe this process isn't about assigning blame or dwelling in the past. It's about attuning to your heart, expressing yourself in an open and heartfelt way, it is about understanding, healing, and ultimately, growing together.
A Note on Emotional Affairs
While physical affairs often garner the most attention, emotional affairs can be equally damaging. These affairs happens when an exclusive emotional connection was developed with someone other than a primary intimate partner, where one start to shift their emotional need to the third person. They involve:
Feeling emotionally distant within the relationship
Turning away from the partner
Feeling of catching straws when trying to talk to each other about it.
Feeling pulled and conflicted
The emotional impact of this form of betrayal can be profound, eliciting a deep sense of loss and pain in the betrayed partner. Recovery is challenged by the often invisible nature of emotional affairs, as they lack physical evidence and may not be acknowledged as harmful, leading to minimization of the betrayed’s feelings.
The pathway to healing necessitates recognizing boundaries, engaging in honest communication, and often seeking professional help to navigate complex emotions and mend the relationship. Despite their non-physical nature, emotional affairs require a similar level of attention and healing effort as physical affairs.
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In addition to physical and emotional affair, your trust in the relationship may be broken by some of less defined behaviors, such as a recent discovery of your partner's porn consumption, drinking problem, or perhaps the discovery of a large amount of debt under their name, or other life choices that may impact the both of you. While these may not seem as obvious or severe compared to other forms of infidelity, they can still create a significant amount of trust issues and lead to feelings of betrayal. It's important to address and confront these issues in a safe and supportive environment, acknowledging the hurt they may have caused and finding ways to move forward together. The pathway to healing increasing self-awareness, open and honest communication, and being willing to work through difficult emotions so that healthier habits can be built, and new ways to connect can be discovered.
Common Questions Around Affair Recovery
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Infidelity hurts deeply because it strikes at the very core of our sense of safety and trust. The violation of exclusivity in a committed relationship can make a partner feel unsafe and question the integrity of their entire relationship. The pain is so profound that it can lead to a spectrum of mental health challenges, including:
depression; PTSD symptoms; jealousy; anger; suicidal ideation
The pain can manifest physically as well, resulting in insomnia, weight loss, trouble concentrating, and diminished appetite and libido. Beyond the physical and psychological pain, the emotional impact of infidelity extends to self-perception, often significantly harming the betrayed partner’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Addressing this pain is an integral part of the healing process. It involves acknowledging the hurt, understanding its source, and working through the emotions with the help of professional guidance. With time and effort, the pain can be transformed into a catalyst for personal growth and relationship healing.
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There is no set timeline for how long infidelity trauma may last. It can vary greatly from person to person and depends on a variety of factors, such as the severity of the betrayal, the individual's coping mechanisms, and their support system.
Some people may start to feel better within a few months, while others may take years to process and heal from the trauma. It is important to remember that everyone's healing journey is unique and there is no right or wrong timeline.
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The pain of infidelity may never fully go away, but it can evolve and lessen over time. With proper support and effort, individuals and couples can work through their emotions and rebuild trust in themselves and each other. It is important to remember that healing from infidelity is a process and takes time, patience, and understanding. The goal is not to forget the pain or dismiss it, but to work through it and find ways to cope and move forward in a healthy way. This may include establishing boundaries, fostering transparent communication, and placing self-care as a top priority. While the pain may still be present, it can become more manageable with the right tools and support
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Navigating the phases of affair recovery can be a challenging journey. It begins with the initial discovery stage, characterized by emotional instability and shock, followed by the reaction stage where the development of empathy and emotional safety begins.
The recovery progresses to the release stage between nine to twelve months, with forgiveness allowing for reconciliation. This moves into the recommitment stage from twelve to eighteen months where couples find new meaning in their relationship. While these stages provide a broad roadmap, it’s essential to remember that recovery is not linear, and emotional swings resulting from intrusive thoughts may continue.
Counseling plays a pivotal role in the recovery process, often involving assignments that couples can work on outside of sessions to encourage ongoing healing and progress. With patience, commitment, and professional guidance, couples can successfully navigate the phases of affair recovery.
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The healing journey after an affair is not a linear one. It varies for each couple, but most spend one to three years working through the aftermath with professional support. The process begins with a discovery stage, marked by initial shock and emotional turmoil, which can last anywhere from zero to six weeks.
Following the initial discovery, and the stability of the day to day function, the healing journey transition to a deepening of the process and rebuilding of the trust. this takes around 6-9 months. And then the work continue to progress and growth is maintained beyond the nine months mark
It’s important to remember that while these stages give a general timeline, the healing journey is unique to each couple, and improvements can occur before the 24-month mark.
Intensive healing programs and seminars, along with the couple’s patience and commitment to intentional work, can significantly accelerate the recovery process for some couples. Remember, the goal is not to rush through the process, but to allow for genuine healing and rebuilding of trust.
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Different types of therapy, including family therapy, are designed to help couples at varying stages of recovery. From gaining clarity on whether to continue the relationship to actively rebuilding trust, the right therapeutic approach can provide the necessary support and guidance.
The choice of therapy can be influenced by various factors, including the nature and duration of the affair, the couple’s willingness to work towards recovery, and the specific issues that led to the infidelity. A professional counselor or marriage and family therapist can guide the couple in choosing the approach that best fits their needs.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has been recognized as a highly effective treatment for couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. EFT focuses on understanding attachment needs and addressing attachment injuries, which are especially significant in situations involving a breach of trust such as infidelity.
Discernment Counseling
Discernment Counseling is another approach that can be beneficial for couples dealing with infidelity. It is a short-term decision-making process aimed at providing couples with clarity and confidence about the future of their marriage. Unlike couples counseling, which focuses on improving the marriage, Discernment Counseling helps couples decide whether they should attempt to restore their relationship.
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Obsessing over infidelity can be a common response for individuals who have experienced betrayal in their relationship. However, constantly dwelling on the past can prevent you from moving forward and healing. Here are some tips to help stop obsessing over infidelity:
Acknowledge your feelings: It's important to recognize and validate your emotions, whether it's anger, sadness, or fear. This can help you process and eventually let go of these feelings.
Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally can help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being. Make sure to prioritize activities that bring you joy and make you feel good.
Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend or family member, joining a support group, or seeking counseling can provide a safe space to share your thoughts and receive validation and guidance.
Focus on the present: Instead of dwelling on the past, try to focus on the present moment. Engage in activities that require your full attention and practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing or meditation.
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The discovery of infidelity can be a traumatic experience for both partners, and the brain's response to this betrayal is complex. Studies have shown that the brain releases a flood of stress hormones in response to infidelity, triggering intense emotional reactions such as shock, anger, and sadness.
In addition, the areas of the brain responsible for regulating emotions may become overactive, leading to a constant loop of obsessive thoughts and rumination. This can also affect decision-making, causing individuals to react impulsively or engage in self-destructive behaviors. This neurological turmoil is further nuanced by gender-specific responses to infidelity.
For example, men tend to experience a stronger physical response, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure, while women may have a more intense emotional reaction. It's important for both partners to recognize and validate their own emotions in order to process them effectively.
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Marriage counseling can be a valuable tool for couples dealing with infidelity, as it provides a safe and supportive space to address the issues at hand. However, it is important to choose a counselor who has experience and training in working with infidelity and its aftermath.
It's also crucial for both partners to actively participate and commit to the process for counseling to be effective. This may involve individual and couples therapy, as well as additional resources such as support groups or retreats.
Ultimately, the success of marriage counseling after infidelity depends on the willingness of both partners to work through their issues and rebuild trust in the relationship. It is a challenging journey, but with patience, openness, and the right support, healing and growth are possible.
Frequently Asked Questions About Infidelity Recovery
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Perhaps you have been through many therapy websites and wave through quite a few profiles. Searching for an online therapist can be a complicated process. I honor and understand the frustration, hope, and worry in starting your therapy work. Therefore, I offer a free 15 mins phone consultation to help discuss your needs and answer any questions you may have. My hope is by the end of the call, you will have a better sense of the service I provide and make a more informed decision.
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Based on how the current insurance system is set up, in order to use your in-network insurance benefits, the insurance company requires me to give you a mental illness diagnosis. This diagnosis becomes part of your permanent medical record and may negatively impact your future life choices ( adoption, life insurance, employment, etc.). In addition, therapy under an in-network insurance panel is not confidential. Insurance companies and managed care panels essentially become another person in your treatment, as they require reports about our meetings to authorize sessions. They also have the power to decide how many sessions you will receive. I believe that those crucial decisions should be made between you and your therapist, not a stranger from the insurance office.
For these concerns on in-network insurances benefits, I choose to accept only out-of-network benefits for insurances purposes. If you would like to use your insurance, I will assist by providing you with a "superbill" (An itemized receipt) for you to take advantage of any out-of-network benefits that your plan offers. Depending on your plan, your insurance company may reimburse your session cost up to a percentage. Please note that a diagnosis is still required, but we will have confidentiality and control over your course of treatment.
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The timeline largely depends on the fluctuation of your therapist's schedule. Usually, sessions are available to be scheduled as soon as 5-7 days from the initial contact. If you are ready now, click here to skip the wait and request a session.
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If this is your first time going to therapy, I imagine it may be both exciting and a bit nerve-wracking. I know what that feeling feels like, and congratulations on taking this crucial first step. To help you better prepare, I found this article provides some helpful information about what will happen during our first session.
Before arriving for your first appointment, it could also be helpful to take a moment and think about what you would like to accomplish through therapy. How have you been feeling lately? How would you like to feel? You do not have to feel obligated to tell your therapist "everything" during your first session. Instead, it is simply an opportunity to share enough and check in with yourself on how you feel sitting with your therapist. It may also be helpful to think about what questions you might have for your therapist during your first session. You will know that a therapist is a good fit for you when you feel at ease, heard, and confident in their ability to help you during your first session.
For a complete list of FAQs, including rates and our COVID practice, Please visit our FAQs section.
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Step 1.
Fill out the contact form and choose a good call-back time.
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Step 2.
Hear back from us within 24-48 hours (except for weekends and holidays).
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Step 3.
Begin rebuilding trust and feeling ssecure and confident in your relationship.
Ready to Rebuild Trust?
Start Affair Recovery Therapy
Other Mental Health and Couples Therapy Services
At Spark Relational Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services to support you and your needs, online in Illinois, Oregon, and Washington. We offer anxiety treatment and therapy for entrepreneurs. For individuals with immigrant parents and/or trans-racially adopted adults, we offer culturally sensitive individual counseling to help you address issues around identity and culture. For professional working women with concerns around dating, we offer individual therapy for women dealing with loneliness that helps you feel more confident in building a strong romantic relationship. Additionally, for those in a relationship. we specialize in couples and marriage counseling and premarital counseling as well. If you are a small business owner, we offer therapy for entrepreneurs to help you navigate the ups and downs of owning a business. We are here to support you on your path to a more connected and fulfilling life.