Can Your Relationship Survive Infidelity? Your Guide to Affair Recovery Therapy in Bellevue and Seattle
Infidelity is one of the most painful and destabilizing experiences a committed relationship can face. The discovery of infidelity can shake a relationship to its core. It often brings a tidal wave of emotions—grief, anger, confusion, shame, and loss of trust. These reactions can be understood as betrayal trauma, which may include symptoms similar to PTSD. Many couples wonder: Can we come back from this?
Whether it was a one-time mistake or an ongoing affair, the betrayal often leaves deep emotional wounds. But does it have to mean the end? With the right kind of support—especially through couple therapy—recovery is possible.
Affair recovery therapy provides a structured, nonjudgmental space to unpack what happened, process the pain, and explore whether a new, more honest and completely honest version of the relationship can emerge. It’s not about forgetting. It’s about healing—individually and together.
Therapy also offers a framework grounded in attachment theory, helping partners understand their emotional responses, rebuild trust, and improve communication.
Can Relationships Recover from Cheating?
Yes, many do—but they don’t just “bounce back.” Healing after betrayal requires more than forgiveness or time. For couples who are willing to confront the rupture openly and work through the pain, recovery is possible. This means moving beyond just “getting past” the incident. Affair recovery therapy focuses on understanding why the infidelity happened, addressing the unmet needs or dynamics in the relationship, and helping both partners express and process the pain, betrayal, and hopes for the future.
In therapy, you’re not just rehashing the past. You’re learning new ways to communicate, rebuild trust, and reconnect emotionally. It’s an intentional process that helps both partners decide not just whether to stay together, but how to move forward—whatever that decision may be. When a couple decides to rebuild the relationship or to separate, relationship work is essential—whether that means working together to restore trust and intimacy, or engaging in personal growth to move forward independently.
What Percent of Relationships Survive Infidelity?
Research suggests that about 60–75% of couples choose to stay together after infidelity is discovered (Gordon et al., 2004). However, survival doesn’t always mean recovery. Some relationships remain intact but emotionally distant, while others deepen and grow stronger through the repair process.
Couples who recover are those who seek structured support—particularly through affair recovery therapy, couples counseling, and the guidance of experienced infidelity therapists and couples therapists—and who are committed to rebuilding trust and emotional intimacy. Clinical research shows that couples who engage in therapy following an affair often report significant improvements in relationship satisfaction. One randomized trial found that couples who disclosed an affair prior to or during therapy made greater relational gains than those who had never experienced infidelity (Atkins et al., 2005). A longitudinal community-based study also found that infidelity-affected couples—initially more distressed—showed comparable levels of functioning to non-infidelity couples after six months of therapy (Peluso et al., 2010). Many couples therapists and infidelity therapists use evidence-based approaches such as the Gottman Method to support affair recovery.
Affair recovery therapy creates a safe, structured space where couples can:
Understand the “why” behind the betrayal
Rebuild safety, trust, and emotional transparency
Repair emotional and sexual intimacy
Reconnect around shared goals, values, and long-term vision
Address complex situations, including multiple affairs, through thorough assessment and tailored therapeutic support
Healing is not guaranteed, but with skilled therapeutic guidance, many couples not only recover—they redefine their relationship on stronger, more honest ground.
References:
Gordon, K. C., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2004). An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(2), 213–231. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15114949
Atkins, D. C., Eldridge, K. A., Baucom, D. H., & Christensen, A. (2005). Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy: Optimism in the face of betrayal. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73(1), 144–150. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15709841
Peluso, P. R., Eisenberg, S. A., & Schindler, H. S. (2010). Outcomes of couples with infidelity in a community-based sample. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 9(3), 213–231. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20438197
What Is the Difference Between Infidelity and Cheating?
While often used interchangeably, these terms can carry different connotations:
Cheating is typically a more colloquial, umbrella term that includes physical, emotional, or sexual betrayals.
Infidelity often implies a breach of a specific agreement or commitment within a romantic relationship.
What constitutes infidelity can vary across couples. For some, it’s emotional closeness with another person; for others, it’s physical contact. For many, infidelity involves emotional or physical involvement with an affair partner or other partner, and clarifying these boundaries is an important part of therapy. In therapy, clarifying each partner’s definition of betrayal is an essential part of healing.
Will I Ever Get Over My Husband/Wife/Partner Cheating?
You won’t forget it—but you can get through it.
Affair recovery is not about pretending it didn’t happen or pushing the pain away. For the betrayed partner, infidelity trauma can cause deep emotional wounds that may last for years if not addressed, making it essential to acknowledge and work through these feelings.
This process may include:
Grieving what was lost
Rebuilding self-esteem and agency
Gaining clarity about your needs
Processing anger and sadness
Making empowered choices about the future
Practicing self care and self compassion to support emotional healing
With time, many people find that the experience—though deeply painful—becomes something they grow from, whether they stay in the relationship or not.
Should I Stay With Someone Who Cheated on Me?
There is no “right” answer here—only your answer.
Some people find they can reconnect with their partner and create a more authentic, open relationship. Others realize that the breach was too damaging or that the relationship no longer aligns with who they are becoming.
In therapy, the focus is not on persuading you to stay or leave, but helping you understand:
What you feel
What you need
What the relationship has been, and could be
From there, you can make decisions that align with your values and well-being.
Introduction to Infidelity Recovery
Infidelity recovery is a deeply personal and often overwhelming journey, marked by intense emotions and a need to understand the circumstances surrounding the affair. When infidelity occurs, it doesn’t just impact the two partners involved—it can send shockwaves through the entire family, affecting loved ones and the broader support system. The healing process requires more than just time; it calls for a safe space where both partners can express their feelings, confront the pain, and begin healing together.
Infidelity counseling is a form of couples therapy that focuses on helping couples navigate this challenging terrain. Through approaches like emotionally focused therapy, a licensed professional counselor or family therapist creates a supportive environment where partners can explore the underlying issues that contributed to the betrayal. These may include communication breakdowns, unmet needs, or unresolved conflict. By addressing these root causes, couples can work toward rebuilding trust and developing a renewed commitment to their relationship.
Research shows that while infidelity can be devastating, many couples do find a path forward—about moren than half of the marriages survive infidelity, though every couple’s recovery is unique. The trauma of betrayal can sometimes lead to symptoms similar to post traumatic stress disorder, and issues like sexual addiction or addictive behaviors may also surface. A skilled therapist is equipped to help couples manage these challenges, providing guidance and tools to facilitate healing and prevent future infidelity.
Couples seeking infidelity recovery can expect a comprehensive, compassionate approach. Therapy sessions are designed to help both the injured partner and the partner who had the affair process their emotions, take responsibility, and work through the aftermath together. The focus is on conflict resolution, open communication, and developing healthier relationship patterns. With the right support, many couples not only recover from infidelity—they emerge with a deeper understanding of themselves and each other, and a stronger, more resilient bond.
Ultimately, infidelity recovery is about more than repairing what was broken. It’s an opportunity for personal growth, renewed connection, and building a relationship that is more honest, secure, and emotionally fulfilling than before. With the guidance of an experienced therapist, couples can move through the pain and toward a future defined by trust, respect, and healthier relationships.
Does Infidelity Pain Ever Go Away?
Yes, but like any grief, it doesn’t follow a timeline.
The pain may show up in waves—triggered by memories, anniversaries, or moments of vulnerability. After such a traumatic event, many people wonder if they will ever stop hurting. It fades over time, especially when it’s acknowledged and processed. Suppressing it or rushing to “move on” can prolong the healing.
Therapy helps contain and validate your emotions, so you don’t feel lost in them—or alone.
Does the Guilt of Cheating Ever Go Away?
If you’re the partner who strayed, guilt can feel crushing. It may be accompanied by shame, regret, or a deep sense of self-disgust.
The guilt doesn’t disappear on its own—but it can evolve.
In affair recovery therapy, the focus is not just on confessing or saying sorry. It creates a space to explore:
Why the affair happened
What unmet needs or internal struggles were present
How to take meaningful accountability
What repair looks like—not just saying sorry, but showing it through consistent action
True remorse is not performative. It’s a commitment to change, empathy, and transparency. This process can be incredibly transformative—not just for the relationship, but for your own personal growth.
How Many Marriages Break Up Because of Infidelity?
Infidelity is cited as a major contributing factor in 20–40% of divorces, depending on the study. But it’s rarely the only reason. Often, the betrayal shines a light on long-standing issues: lack of communication, emotional disconnection, unmet needs, or unresolved trauma. Infidelity often brings underlying relationship issues and mental health issues to the surface, which are addressed in therapy.
Couples who pursue therapy in the aftermath of an affair often discover those deeper layers—not just the “what happened,” but the “why” and “what now.” Treating infidelity requires specialized therapeutic approaches to effectively address these complex challenges.
Final Thoughts: Rebuilding After Betrayal Takes Courage—And Support
Affair recovery isn’t about blaming, labeling, or rushing forgiveness. It’s about creating space to understand what happened, how it impacted both of you, and what it will take to move forward. The pain of betrayal can shake your sense of safety, but it doesn’t mean healing is impossible.
Think of recovery not as returning to what was, but as the opportunity to build something new—something more honest, secure, and emotionally connected than before. That process often starts with uncertainty, discomfort, and vulnerability. But in couple therapy, you’re not navigating it alone.
Affair recovery therapy helps partners:
Slow down and process complex emotions in a safe environment
Rebuild trust through transparency and accountability
Develop safer, more open communication
Create new patterns rooted in respect and emotional intimacy
The first session sets the stage for open communication and trust-building, helping you begin your journey toward healing.
Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It comes through small, consistent choices: choosing to listen instead of defend, to stay curious rather than shut down, to ask for what you need even when it feels hard. These moments matter.
You are not defined by the betrayal. With the right support, relationships can grow from even the most painful ruptures. If you’re ready to explore what healing could look like—for both of you—we’re here to walk that path with you.
Four Steps to Begin Affair Recovery Therapy in Bellevue and Seattle, Washington
1. Reach Out for Support
Start by filling out our brief contact form. You’ll be matched with a licensed couples therapist who specializes in affair recovery. We understand how raw and overwhelming this experience can be—and we’re here to meet you with care, without judgment. A therapist will respond within 24–48 hours (excluding holidays).
2. Connect with a Therapist for a Free Consultation
One of our experienced marriage and family therapists will reach out to schedule a free 15-minute phone or video consultation. Phone calls are a confidential and convenient option for clients. This conversation is a chance for us to hear what you’re going through, answer your questions, and determine if we’re the right fit to support your healing process.
3. Share Your Relationship History and Current Struggles
We’ll send you and your partner a secure online intake form where you can share more about your relationship—before and after the affair. This includes your concerns, emotional needs, and what you hope to gain from therapy. Your story helps us tailor the work to your specific challenges and hopes.
4. Begin Your Affair Recovery Journey
In your first therapy session, we’ll begin the process of understanding what happened, how it has affected each of you, and how to move forward—whether that means rebuilding trust, making sense of the pain, or exploring next steps. Each session will offer a safe, structured space to heal, reconnect, and rebuild the foundation of your relationship. Trauma-informed approaches such as BrainSpotting may be used to address trauma symptoms and support your mental health throughout the recovery process.
You don’t have to figure this out on your own. With support, clarity, and care, healing after infidelity is possible.
Other Services:
At Spark Relational Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services to support you and your needs. We offer anxiety treatment at our Portland anxiety clinic. For individuals with immigrant parents and/or trans-racially adopted adults, we offer culturally sensitive individual counseling to help you address issues around identity and culture. For professional working women with concerns around dating, we offer Individual therapy for loneliness that helps you feel more confident in building a strong romantic relationship. Additionally, for those in a relationship. we specialize in couples and marriage counseling and premarital counseling as well. We also offer online therapy in Oregon, online therapy in Washington, and online therapy in Illinois. We are here to support you on your path to a more connected and fulfilling life.
