You've discovered there was an affair in your marriage. Not only are you questioning what to do next, but you're also wondering how long it's going to take to get past this. It's a natural question, one that many individuals and couples facing infidelity ask themselves. The truth is, there's no set timeline for healing from infidelity. It's a journey that varies for each person and couple, influenced by a multitude of factors.

Recovering from infidelity isn't a sprint; it's a marathon. It takes time, patience, and dedication from both partners to work through the pain, rebuild trust, and ultimately move forward together. Some couples may find significant progress in a matter of months. On the other hand, the infidelity healing process may take years. It depends on various factors such as the extent of the betrayal, the level of commitment from both partners, and the effectiveness of affair recovery therapy in Portland, OR.

An individual running on the road. Representing how infidelity healing in affair recovery therapy in Portland, OR is a marathon. It takes time, patience & dedication!

At Spark Relational Counseling, we understand the complexities involved in affair recovery. Our family and marriage therapists are here to support you through this challenging time and provide you with the guidance and tools you need to navigate the journey ahead. While the road to healing may seem daunting, know that you're not alone! With the right guidance, it is possible to overcome infidelity and emerge stronger as individuals and as a couple.

What Are the Stages of Infidelity Recovery?

While every journey is unique, there are common stages that many couples experience as they work through the aftermath of betrayal. Our family and marriage therapists are experienced with working through these affair recovery stages. It begins with the initial discovery stage, characterized by emotional instability and shock. Then followed by the reaction stage where the development of empathy and emotional safety begins. As couples progress through the recovery journey, they may experience the release stage between nine to twelve months, where forgiveness allows for reconciliation. This leads into the recommitment stage from twelve to eighteen months, where couples find new meaning in their relationship.

While these stages provide a broad roadmap, it’s essential to remember that recovery is not linear, and emotional swings resulting from intrusive thoughts may continue. Infidelity counseling plays an important role in the recovery process, often involving assignments that couples can work on outside of sessions to encourage ongoing healing and progress. With patience, commitment, and professional guidance, couples can successfully navigate the phases of affair recovery.

Why Does Infidelity Hurt So Much?

Infidelity hurts deeply because it strikes at the very core of our sense of safety and trust. The violation of exclusivity in a committed relationship can make a partner feel unsafe and question the integrity of their entire relationship. The pain is so profound that it can lead to a spectrum of mental health challenges, including depression, infidelity PTSD symptoms, jealousy, anger, and even suicidal ideation. Additionally, the pain can manifest physically, resulting in insomnia, weight loss, trouble concentrating, and diminished appetite and libido. Beyond the physical and psychological pain, the emotional impact of infidelity extends to self-perception, often significantly harming the betrayed partner’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

A couple holding hands during sunset in a field. You can heal from infidelity with the help of an affair recovery therapist in Portland, OR! Begin the work it takes to heal today!

Addressing this pain is an integral part of the healing process. It involves acknowledging the hurt, understanding its source, and working through the emotions with the help of professional guidance. Learning how to recover from infidelity PTSD can seem like a long distance away, with time and effort, the pain can be transformed into a catalyst for personal growth and relationship healing.

How Do You Know a Cheater is Really Sorry?

Amidst the whirlwind aftermath of infidelity, it's natural to question whether an individual is genuinely remorseful for their actions. As we explored earlier, infidelity can trigger profound emotional turmoil, affecting both individuals in the relationship. An individual who is truly sorry will demonstrate a genuine commitment to understanding the pain they've caused. They will acknowledge your feelings and take full accountability for their actions. Also, they actively engage in the process of rebuilding trust and repairing the relationship. Through consistent efforts, such as attending infidelity counseling, engaging in transparent communication, and addressing underlying issues, they can show genuine remorse and a sincere desire to make amends.

When Should You Call it Quits After Infidelity?

Determining whether to end a relationship after infidelity is a deeply personal decision, and it can be challenging. While every relationship is unique, there are some common indicators to consider. If trust cannot be restored despite sincere efforts from both you and your partner, or if you find it impossible to move past the betrayal and rebuild emotional intimacy, it may be a sign that your relationship is irreparably damaged. For instance, you might find yourself struggling to regain trust in your partner after discovering their affair. Despite their apologies and attempts to rebuild trust, you may find yourself unable to move forward, leading to ongoing emotional distress and resentment. Additionally, if your partner continues to engage in infidelity despite promises to change, or if there is a pattern of dishonesty and lack of accountability, there may be other fundamental issues that cannot be resolved. Ultimately, seeking guidance from a qualified family and marriage therapist can provide clarity and support in making this difficult decision.

Discernment Counseling

Another valuable approach for couples navigating infidelity is Discernment Counseling. Unlike traditional couples counseling, Discernment Counseling offers a concise decision-making process focused on providing clarity and confidence regarding the future of the marriage. Instead of solely aiming to improve the relationship, this approach helps couples evaluate whether they should pursue efforts to restore their bond.

A couple laughing while sitting on a pier. If you're curious to know how long it takes to get past infidelity, learn more from our family and marriage therapists! We offer infidelity counseling to help.

Final Thoughts from an Affair Recovery Therapist

As you navigate the ups and downs of recovery, know that seeking support is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step toward healing. Whether through infidelity counseling, or family/friend support, having a safe space to explore your feelings and experiences can be invaluable. If you’re ready to begin affair recovery therapy in Portland, OR, Spark Counseling is here to help.

Four Steps to Start Affair Recovery Therapy

1) Request to Talk to a Family and Marriage Therapist and learn more about us!

Fill out our brief contact form and one of our therapists will contact you within 24-48 hours ( except for holidays)

2) Talk to a Therapist and Schedule an online infidelity counseling session

One of our expert therapists will contact you by phone for a free 15-minute consultation to ensure we're a good fit. Then you'll be able to schedule an online counseling session.

3) Share with Us a Little more Background on Yourself.

We will send you a secure in-take link to give us some more background information on your situation to help your therapist understand you a bit more so that they can make your first session as effective and helpful as possible.

4) Have your First Online Counseling Session

Your first session will mostly be assessment in nature, but we do want you to have a good experience and to start learning some effective tools right away. Most people experience a sense of relief that they have taken the first steps toward a positive change and feel hopeful to have found a therapist who can help.

Other Services:

At Spark Relational Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services to support you and your needs. We offer anxiety treatment at our Portland anxiety clinic. For individuals with immigrant parents and/or trans-racially adopted adults, we offer culturally sensitive individual counseling to help you address issues around identity and culture. For professional working women with concerns around dating, we offer Individual therapy for loneliness that helps you feel more confident in building a strong romantic relationship. Additionally, for those in a relationship. we specialize in couples and marriage counseling and premarital counseling as well. We also offer online therapy in Oregon, online therapy in Washington, and online therapy in Illinois. We are here to support you on your path to a more connected and fulfilling life.