Is it worth it to go to couples therapy?

If you’re asking this question, chances are something in your relationship doesn’t feel quite right. Maybe you and your partner keep circling the same arguments. Maybe things look “fine” on the outside, but inside, you feel disconnected, lonely, or unsure how to reach each other anymore. Wondering whether couples therapy is worth it often comes with mixed emotions: hope, hesitation, fear of making things worse, or worry that it’s already “too late.”

From a therapeutic perspective, couples therapy isn’t about proving who’s right or deciding who’s to blame. At its core, it’s about creating space to slow down, understand what’s happening emotionally for each partner, and learn how to relate to each other in a way that feels safer and more honest. For many couples, it’s worth it not because it guarantees a specific outcome, but because it offers clarity, support, and tools that are hard to access on your own when emotions run high.

In this blog, we’ll explore when couples therapy in Portland, OR tends to be most helpful, what it can actually offer, and how to know whether it might be a meaningful next step for your relationship.

What usually happens in couples therapy?

Couples therapy often begins by slowing things down. Instead of jumping straight into problem-solving, your therapist takes time to understand your relationship history, the patterns you keep getting stuck in, and what each of you is experiencing emotionally. This early phase is less about fixing and more about making sense of what’s been happening between you.

Sessions typically include space for both partners to share their perspectives, often with the therapist helping translate moments where communication breaks down. You might notice how one of you tends to withdraw while the other pushes for resolution, or how certain topics quickly escalate into tension. These patterns aren’t random — they’re usually protective responses that developed over time.

As therapy progresses, couples begin learning practical tools alongside deeper emotional work. This might include learning how to communicate needs without defensiveness, repairing after conflict, or recognizing when old wounds or stressors are shaping present-day reactions. Many therapists, including those at Spark Relational Counseling, draw from approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy, mindfulness-based work, and attachment-informed practices to help couples build more safety and connection.

Over time, couples therapy becomes a place not just to talk about problems, but to experience new ways of relating, moments of being heard, understood, and responded to differently. For many couples, that shift alone helps restore a sense of hope and possibility in the relationship.

What happens after couples therapy?

One of the most meaningful outcomes of couples therapy is what you take with you after sessions end. Rather than relying on a therapist to mediate every conflict, couples leave with tools that help them communicate more effectively on their own. This often includes recognizing early signs of disconnection, naming emotions before they escalate, and responding to each other with more clarity and care.

Many couples find that they’re better able to pause during difficult moments instead of reacting automatically. Conversations that once felt explosive or shutting-down begin to feel more manageable. Over time, these skills create a sense of confidence, not because conflict disappears, but because you know how to navigate it together.

The goal of couples therapy isn’t perfection. It’s building a shared language, a deeper understanding of each other’s emotional needs, and the ability to repair when things feel off. Those skills continue to support the relationship long after therapy ends, helping couples stay connected through future stress, transitions, and growth.

What is the average cost for couples therapy?

The cost of couples therapy can vary depending on factors like the therapist’s training, location, and whether sessions are held in person or online.

The average cost for couples therapy typically ranges from $150 to $250 per session, depending on the therapist’s training, experience, and location. Sessions usually last between 59 and 90 minutes, and many couples begin with weekly or biweekly appointments.

In general, couples therapy is often a private-pay service, especially when the focus is on relationship growth rather than treating an individual mental health diagnosis.

At practices like Spark Relational Counseling, private pay is intentional. It allows therapy to stay focused on your relationship rather than meeting insurance requirements that can limit confidentiality, dictate the number of sessions, or require a diagnosis that becomes part of a permanent medical record. Many couples appreciate having control over the pace and direction of their work together, without outside interference.

While the financial investment can feel significant, many couples view therapy as an investment in their relationship’s health, much like investing in physical health, education, or professional development. The skills you build in couples therapy often extend far beyond the immediate concerns, supporting communication, emotional regulation, and connection for years to come.

What percentage of couples survive couples therapy?

This is one of the most common, and most emotionally loaded, questions couples ask. While research doesn’t frame outcomes as simply “success” or “failure,” we do have solid data that speaks to both relationship improvement and long-term outcomes.

Across multiple studies and meta-analyses, about 70–80% of couples who participate in evidence-based couples therapy report significant improvement in relationship satisfaction. In other words, most couples who engage in therapy experience meaningful positive change compared to couples who do not receive treatment.

When looking specifically at whether couples stay together, the picture is more nuanced. Research shows that many couples who enter therapy in distress do remain together, particularly when they seek help earlier rather than waiting until resentment or emotional distance has fully hardened. That said, couples therapy is not designed to keep couples together at all costs. In some cases, therapy helps partners gain clarity that separation is the healthiest option, and supports them in doing so with more honesty, care, and less harm.

Is couples therapy actually effective?

Yes, couples therapy can be very effective, especially when both partners are willing to engage and do the work. Effectiveness isn’t just about “staying together,” though that’s often part of the picture. It’s about helping couples understand each other better, communicate more clearly, and navigate conflict in ways that feel safe and constructive.

Approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Method Couples Therapy have strong data backing their outcomes, with most couples reporting meaningful changes after completing a course of therapy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT helps couples identify and express underlying emotions that drive conflict. By creating a safe space to explore vulnerability, couples learn to reconnect emotionally and respond to each other with empathy. This approach is especially effective for rebuilding attachment and deepening intimacy.

Mindfulness-Based Relational Therapy

Mindfulness-based relational therapy invites couples to slow down and become more aware of what’s happening internally, thoughts, emotions, body sensations, during moments of tension or distance. Instead of reacting automatically, partners learn to notice their patterns with curiosity and compassion.

This approach can be especially powerful for high-achieving, busy couples who are used to pushing through stress or staying “in their heads.” By cultivating presence and emotional awareness, couples often find they can respond more intentionally, listen more fully, and reconnect in ways that feel grounded and authentic.

Culturally Sensitive Approaches

For couples navigating cultural differences, interracial partnerships, or family expectations, therapists trained in culturally sensitive methods provide guidance to understand values, traditions, and communication styles. This approach helps partners feel seen and respected while strengthening their connection.

So, Is Couples Therapy Really Worth It?

Couples therapy is an investment in your relationship and in yourselves. It’s a space to slow down, understand patterns, and build the skills to communicate, reconnect, and navigate life’s challenges together. 

Many couples reach this point while asking practical questions like, What type of therapist is best for couples therapy? Often, the answer isn’t about finding a “perfect” expert, but finding a therapist who understands emotional dynamics, attachment patterns, and how conflict and disconnection show up beneath the surface.

Whether your goal is to strengthen intimacy, resolve conflict, or gain clarity about your relationship, therapy can offer guidance, support, and tools that last long after the session ends.

Four Steps to a Stronger, Lasting Marriage Through Couples Counseling in Portland, Oregon

1) Reach Out to a Skilled Couples Therapist

Fill out our brief contact form, and one of our therapists will reach out within 24–48 hours (except holidays). In the meantime, you can explore FAQs and jot down any questions you’d like to ask during your first conversation.

2) Connect with a Therapist and Schedule Your Online Session

You’ll receive a call from one of our expert relationship therapists for a free 15-minute consultation. This is a chance to see if we’re the right fit. Once you’re ready, you can schedule your first online couples counseling session.

3) Share a Bit About Your Relationship

We’ll send you and your partner a secure intake form to provide some background on your relationship. This helps your therapist understand your unique situation, so your first session can be as effective and tailored to your needs as possible.

4) Attend Your First Online Couples Counseling Session

Your first session is mostly an assessment, but you’ll also start learning practical communication tools right away. Many couples feel a sense of relief after taking this step, knowing they’re moving toward a stronger, more connected relationship with guidance from a supportive therapist.

Other Services We Offer for Couples and Individuals

At Spark Relational Counseling, we provide a supportive, experiential approach to therapy that helps couples work through challenges and fosters individual growth. We combine evidence-based practices with experiential methods that encourage you to slow down, process difficult feelings, and build corrective emotional experiences.

If you’re curious about what a therapy session actually looks like, take a moment to explore our guide to what to expect in a relationship therapy session. It walks you through the process, helps you prepare for your first meeting, and gives insight into how therapy can help you slow down, notice patterns, and practice tools that improve connection.

Our services are available online across Oregon, Washington, and Illinois, specializing in:

• Affair Recovery Therapy: Guidance and support for couples navigating the pain of infidelity, helping rebuild trust, process emotions, and determine the healthiest path forward together.

• Premarital counseling: Helping engaged couples build a solid foundation before marriage by exploring expectations, values, and shared goals.

• Multicultural counseling: Support that honors your cultural background, values, and unique experiences, including guidance for interracial couples, LGBTQ+ couples, and those navigating diverse cultural expectations.

• Therapy for Women Navigating High Stress & Dating: Support for women balancing demanding careers, life transitions, and the complexities of dating, helping you set boundaries, process emotions, and build healthy relationships with yourself and others.

• Therapy for Entrepreneurs: Address the unique stressors of running a business, managing uncertainty, and maintaining relationships while pursuing your goals.