What type of therapist is best for couples therapy?
Every relationship goes through its ups and downs. Even the strongest couples can find themselves stuck in the same arguments, struggling to communicate, or feeling distant from each other. That’s when a couples therapist can make a real difference, not by “fixing” one partner or the relationship, but by helping both of you understand each other better, navigate conflict, and strengthen your connection.
So, what type of therapist is best for couples therapy? The short answer: someone who specializes in relationship counseling and has the training, experience, and approach that fits your unique dynamic. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFTs) are mental health clinicians specifically trained to navigate relational issues, understanding both individual and systemic dynamics in couples and families.
Other mental health professionals, like Licensed Mental Health Counselors (LMHCs) or Licensed Professional Counselors (LPCs), can also provide effective couples therapy if they’ve received additional training in relationship and marriage counseling.
These therapists understand how patterns, communication styles, and emotional histories impact relationships. They’re trained to help couples navigate conflicts, rebuild trust, and improve intimacy using evidence-based approaches tailored to your needs.
In this blog, we’ll explore when you might consider seeing a marriage therapist, the most common challenges couples bring to therapy, how often sessions typically occur, and what to expect from the process. Whether you’re hoping to repair a strained connection or simply strengthen an already healthy relationship, the right couples therapist can guide you toward meaningful, lasting change.
When should you see a marriage therapist?
It’s natural to wonder if your relationship challenges are “serious enough” to see a therapist. The truth is, couples therapy in Portland, OR can be valuable at any stage—whether you’re dealing with repeated conflicts or simply want to strengthen your connection before small issues grow bigger.
Consider scheduling a session if you notice patterns like:
Frequent or unresolved arguments: You find yourselves circling the same disagreements without resolution. This can often lead to distancing in relationships.
Communication breakdowns: One or both partners shut down or feel unheard during conversations.
Trust issues: Infidelity, broken promises, or ongoing secrecy have shaken your sense of security.
Emotional or physical disconnection: You feel more like roommates than romantic partners, or intimacy has declined.
Life transitions: Changes such as a new baby, career shifts, relocation, or caring for aging family members are creating tension.
Difficulty making decisions together: Choosing even small things feels stressful or contentious, creating ongoing tension.
Even if none of these feel extreme, therapy can be preventive. Premarital counseling, for example, equips couples with tools to navigate future challenges with clarity and confidence.
A skilled marriage therapist doesn’t judge whether your issues are “big enough.” Instead, they help you identify what’s affecting your relationship, understand each other’s perspectives, and learn strategies to communicate and connect more effectively. Often, the earlier you seek support, the easier it is to build a foundation of trust and resilience before challenges escalate.
Can I see a marriage counselor on my own?
Absolutely, marriage counseling for one partner can be a meaningful step, even if your partner isn’t ready to join. While couples therapy is often most effective with both partners present, individual sessions provide a safe space to focus on your own growth, explore your emotions, and understand your role in the patterns that show up in your relationship.
Working with a therapist on your own can help you:
Understand your contribution to recurring patterns: Many relationship challenges are a dance of interactions between partners.
By examining your behaviors, communication style, and reactions, you can identify patterns that may unintentionally escalate conflicts.
Build self-awareness and emotional regulation: Recognizing your triggers and emotional responses allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Develop healthy communication skills: Learning how to express your needs clearly and set boundaries can shift the dynamic in the relationship, even if only one partner is in therapy.
Process difficult feelings safely: A therapist provides a neutral space to explore frustration, hurt, or disappointment without judgment.
Clarify your goals and options: Therapy can help you understand what you want from the relationship and decide how best to move forward—whether that’s fostering change, improving connection, or setting new boundaries.
Marriage counseling for one is about creating change from within; developing insight, emotional tools, and strategies that can transform how you show up in your relationship.
How often should a couple go to couples therapy?
The frequency of couples therapy depends on your relationship’s needs, the challenges you’re facing, and the pace that feels manageable for both partners. Many couples begin with weekly sessions, especially when conflicts feel intense or patterns have become deeply ingrained. Weekly meetings help build momentum and give you space to practice new communication strategies.
As progress is made, couples often transition to bi-weekly or monthly sessions As progress is made, couples often transition to bi-weekly or monthly sessions. These sessions aren’t meant to keep couples in therapy long-term—they’re more like “training wheels,” giving you guidance and support as you apply what you’ve learned in the real world. The ultimate goal of therapy is to empower couples to navigate challenges independently, maintaining connection and healthy communication long after formal sessions end.
Therapists may also recommend flexible scheduling depending on your situation:
During high-stress periods: Life changes like relocation, career shifts, or the arrival of a child might require more frequent sessions.
For deep-seated issues: Trust rebuilding after betrayal or long-standing patterns may need closer guidance.
Ongoing maintenance: Even when things are going well, occasional sessions can prevent small conflicts from escalating.
For busy professionals or couples with packed schedules, online marriage counseling can be a game-changer. Attending sessions virtually allows you to work on your relationship from the comfort of your home, fitting therapy seamlessly into your routine without sacrificing consistency or privacy.
Consistency matters more than a rigid schedule. Regular sessions, whether in-person or online, help couples practice new skills, gain insights, and strengthen their connection over time, creating a space where both partners feel supported, heard, and equipped to grow together.
What is the most common problem addressed in couples therapy?
Couples therapy in Portland, OR covers a wide range of relationship challenges, but some issues show up more often than others.
1. Communication Breakdowns
Arguably, the most frequent reason couples seek therapy is difficulty communicating. This isn’t just about arguing; it’s also about feeling unheard, misunderstood, or disconnected. Couples often fall into patterns where conversations escalate, or one partner withdraws while the other pushes, leaving both feeling frustrated and alone.
2. Trust and Infidelity
Betrayal, whether emotional or physical, can shake the foundation of a relationship. Rebuilding trust takes time, patience, and guidance. Marriage counselors provide a structured space for partners to process hurt, understand what led to the breach, and take steps toward repair, or, in some cases, gain clarity about their next steps.
3. Intimacy and Connection
Many couples struggle with emotional or physical intimacy. Life stress, parenting, or past hurts can make partners feel more like roommates than romantic partners.
4. Life Transitions and Stressors
Significant life changes, career shifts, moving, having children, or navigating cultural expectations can strain even the strongest partnerships. Working with a couples therapist gives you tools to navigate transitions together, strengthen teamwork, and maintain connection despite stress.
5. Conflict Over Values or Daily Decisions
Disagreements about finances, household responsibilities, or lifestyle choices are common. While these may seem mundane, unresolved conflicts in these areas can build resentment over time. It’s possible to find shared solutions, compromise effectively, and prevent small issues from becoming major sources of tension.
6. Intimacy, Desire, and Connection
Many couples struggle with emotional or physical intimacy and desire. Life stress, parenting, past hurts, or differences in sexual desire can make partners feel more like roommates than romantic partners.
7. Cultural Differences and Interracial Relationships
Couples from different cultural or racial backgrounds may face unique challenges related to family expectations, traditions, or communication styles. Therapy can help partners understand each other’s perspectives, navigate differences, and build a relationship that honors both backgrounds.
What is the most effective form of couples therapy?
Every relationship is unique, and so is the path to feeling understood, connected, and supported. At Spark Relational Counseling, we focus on approaches that help couples break patterns, rebuild trust, and communicate in ways that actually feel meaningful. The most effective form of therapy is the one that meets your relationship where it is, addressing both the emotional bond and the practical challenges you face together.
1. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT focuses on the emotional connection between partners. Many struggles come from unmet attachment needs or repeated cycles of disconnection. In EFT, couples learn to identify these patterns, safely share emotions, and respond with empathy, building lasting closeness and trust.
2. The Gottman Method
Based on decades of research, the Gottman Method helps couples understand each other’s inner world through “love maps” and teaches practical tools to manage conflict. Couples learn to notice destructive patterns, improve appreciation and intimacy, and create shared goals that strengthen the relationship.
3. Experiential Approaches
For couples who benefit from hands-on work, experiential therapy uses guided exercises, role-playing, and mindfulness practices to foster emotional engagement, open communication, and deeper connection in real time.
Is it better to have a male or female therapist for couples therapy?
When it comes to couples therapy, what matters most isn’t the therapist’s gender. Rather, their ability to create a safe, understanding space where both partners feel heard. Some people wonder if a male or female therapist will “understand” them better, but research and experience show that effective therapy depends more on trust, empathy, and expertise than on gender.
What’s most important is finding a therapist who:
Is neutral and nonjudgmental: Both partners need to feel equally supported and validated.
Understands your unique dynamics: Whether it’s cultural background, communication styles, or past experiences, your therapist should tailor the approach to your relationship.
Builds rapport with both partners: Comfort and trust with your therapist can make or break the progress you make together.
If you or your partner have personal preferences or feel more comfortable with a particular gender, that’s worth considering, but it shouldn’t be the only factor. Spark Relational Counseling prioritizes creating a connection where both partners feel safe, heard, and guided toward meaningful change, regardless of the therapist’s gender.
How soon should you go to couples therapy?
The short answer: as soon as you notice patterns that leave you feeling stuck, unheard, or disconnected. Couples therapy isn’t only for relationships in crisis; it can be a proactive step to strengthen your connection and prevent future challenges.
For newly engaged or married couples, premarital counseling is a particularly valuable option. It gives you the tools to:
Communicate effectively: Learn to navigate disagreements before they escalate.
Clarify expectations: Discuss finances, roles, and priorities openly.
Identify potential stress points: Explore topics like family dynamics, career changes, and long-term goals.
Build a strong foundation: Develop strategies for maintaining emotional closeness and mutual respect over time.
Even if your relationship feels healthy, early couples therapy or premarital counseling can help you start off on the right foot, giving you a shared language for understanding each other and handling challenges together.
For couples further along, starting therapy sooner rather than later can prevent patterns from becoming entrenched and help rebuild trust, communication, and intimacy before issues grow more complex.
How long do couples usually do couples therapy?
The duration of couples counseling varies depending on your relationship’s unique needs and goals. Some couples may find that a couple of months are enough to address specific challenges, while others benefit from longer-term support to work through deeper issues and strengthen their connection.
On average, most couples attend 14–24 sessions, but this isn’t a strict rule. The length of therapy is guided by your goals, progress, and your therapist’s recommendations. Regular check-ins with your counselor help ensure that the therapy continues to meet your needs and evolves as your relationship grows.
Open communication with your therapist about your expectations is key. By sharing what you hope to achieve and giving feedback along the way, you can make the most of your sessions and develop practical strategies to maintain a healthier, more connected relationship long after therapy ends.
Four Steps to a Stronger, Lasting Marriage Through Online Couples Counseling in Portland, Oregon
1) Reach Out to a Skilled Couples Therapist
Fill out our brief contact form, and one of our therapists will reach out within 24–48 hours (except holidays). In the meantime, you can explore FAQs and jot down any questions you’d like to ask during your first conversation.
2) Connect with a Therapist and Schedule Your Online Session
You’ll receive a call from one of our expert relationship therapists for a free 15-minute consultation. This is a chance to see if we’re the right fit. Once you’re ready, you can schedule your first online couples counseling session.
3) Share a Bit About Your Relationship
We’ll send you and your partner a secure intake form to provide some background on your relationship. This helps your therapist understand your unique situation, so your first session can be as effective and tailored to your needs as possible.
4) Attend Your First Online Couples Counseling Session
Your first session is mostly an assessment, but you’ll also start learning practical communication tools right away. Many couples feel a sense of relief after taking this step, knowing they’re moving toward a stronger, more connected relationship with guidance from a supportive therapist.
Other Services We Offer for Couples and Individuals
At Spark Relational Counseling, we provide a supportive, experiential approach to therapy that helps couples work through challenges and fosters individual growth. We combine evidence-based practices with experiential methods that encourage you to slow down, process difficult feelings, and build corrective emotional experiences.
If you’re curious about what a therapy session actually looks like, take a moment to explore our guide to what to expect in a relationship therapy session. It walks you through the process, helps you prepare for your first meeting, and gives insight into how therapy can help you slow down, notice patterns, and practice tools that improve connection.
Affair Recovery Therapy: Guidance and support for couples navigating the pain of infidelity, helping rebuild trust, process emotions, and determine the healthiest path forward together.
Premarital counseling: Helping engaged couples build a solid foundation before marriage by exploring expectations, values, and shared goals.
Multicultural counseling: Support that honors your cultural background, values, and unique experiences, including guidance for interracial couples, LGBTQ+ couples, and those navigating diverse cultural expectations.
Therapy for Women Navigating High Stress & Dating: Support for women balancing demanding careers, life transitions, and the complexities of dating, helping you set boundaries, process emotions, and build healthy relationships with yourself and others.
Therapy for Burnout for Busy Professionals & Entrepreneurs: Overwhelmed by work, life, and constant demands? Learn strategies to restore balance, set boundaries, and reconnect with what matters most.
