Can a therapist help with communication?
If you’ve found yourself repeating the same thing over and over, choosing your words carefully, trying not to sound critical, and still walking away feeling misunderstood, there are a lot of other individuals asking this same question. Many couples come to therapy not because they don’t talk, but because talking no longer feels productive or safe.
Maybe one of you shuts down the moment conflict shows up, while the other pushes harder to be heard. Maybe small conversations turn into big arguments, or silence has started to feel easier than trying again. Over time, these patterns can leave both partners feeling lonely, unseen, or emotionally exhausted, even when there’s still a lot of care between you.
Questions like, “Can you fix poor communication in a relationship?” or “What type of therapist is best for couples therapy?” naturally come up, and the answers can shape how you approach your next steps.
In this blog, we’ll talk about why communication breaks down in the first place, not just what to say differently. We’ll explore how patterns form over time, what’s happening emotionally beneath the words, and how a couples therapist can help couples slow things down, feel understood, and reconnect. You’ll also learn how couples therapy in Portland, OR can support you in building healthier communication habits that actually strengthen your connection, not just avoid conflict.
How to deal with a partner who lacks communication?
If you’re asking this, chances are you’ve already tried talking. You’ve brought things up calmly. You’ve explained how you feel. Maybe you’ve even chosen your words carefully, only to be met with silence, defensiveness, or a quick “I’m fine.”
When one partner struggles with communication, it can leave the other feeling lonely inside the relationship. You might start questioning yourself:
Am I asking for too much?
Why does this feel so hard when it shouldn’t be?
Why do we keep having the same conversation with no real change?
Often, a lack of communication isn’t about not caring. It’s about not knowing how to express emotions safely. Many people grew up in environments where feelings weren’t talked about, conflict was avoided, or vulnerability felt risky. Over time, shutting down became a form of protection, not a reflection of love.
This is where therapy can help shift the dynamic. Instead of focusing on what your partner isn’t saying, couples therapy looks at:
What happens emotionally when conversations start
Why one partner pulls away while the other leans in
How stress, past experiences, or cultural expectations shape communication styles
Rather than pushing for more talking, therapy helps both partners feel safer inside the conversation. When emotional safety increases, communication tends to follow naturally, not because someone is forcing it, but because they finally feel understood.
If you’re feeling stuck in cycles of silence, miscommunication, or emotional distance, it doesn’t mean the relationship is failing. It often means the current way of communicating isn’t working anymore, and that new tools, guidance, and support could help you reconnect in a way that actually feels sustainable.
Can couples overcome communication issues?
Yes, couples can overcome communication issues. But not by simply “trying harder” or learning a few surface-level tips.
Most couples who reach this point have already tried talking it out. Over and over.
You may understand what you’re arguing about, but still feel stuck in the same cycle, feeling unheard, misunderstood, or emotionally disconnected, no matter how calm the conversation starts.
What therapy helps couples see is that communication problems are rarely just about words. They’re about:
Emotional safety
Unmet needs
Old wounds that get activated during conflict
Protective patterns that once helped, but now keep you disconnected
In couples therapy, the focus shifts from who’s right to what’s really happening between you. You begin to recognize the patterns that pull you into distance or conflict.
Couples who make progress often notice:
Fewer reactive arguments
More clarity about what each partner actually needs
A growing ability to pause instead of escalating
Conversations that feel more honest, calm, and emotionally connected
Overcoming communication issues doesn’t mean you’ll never disagree. It means disagreements no longer feel threatening to the relationship.
Can couples therapy help with communication?
Couples therapy can be very effective in helping partners communicate more openly, respectfully, and constructively. Therapy works by uncovering the patterns behind communication breakdowns and teaching tools to navigate them. Common examples include:
Why the same arguments keep happening
Therapy helps couples understand why they keep circling the same disagreements, like household responsibilities, finances, or parenting decisions. Often, these recurring arguments aren’t just about the surface issue—they reveal deeper needs, assumptions, or emotional triggers that haven’t been addressed.
Learning to be heard and understood
Many couples struggle with feeling unheard. Therapy provides a structured space to practice active listening, express yourself without blame, and respond in ways that foster connection rather than defensiveness.
For example, imagine two partners who are both working full-time. One partner feels exhausted and resentful because they’re managing most of the household tasks and emotional labor. The other partner feels blindsided by the tension and shuts down, thinking, “No matter what I do, it’s never enough.”
In session, the therapist may pause the back-and-forth and help each partner name what’s happening underneath the frustration. One partner might realize they’re not actually asking for help, they’re asking to feel supported and not so alone. The other might recognize that their defensiveness is coming from feeling inadequate, not uncaring.
With the therapist’s guidance, the couple practices speaking from those deeper places, without blame, and responding with curiosity instead of self-protection.
Breaking the cycle of withdrawal or escalation
Some partners shut down during conflicts, while others push harder. Therapists guide couples in recognizing these patterns and developing strategies to stay engaged, even during tense conversations.
Practicing empathy and validation.
Therapy encourages couples to acknowledge each other’s experiences and feelings, even when they don’t fully agree. This helps reduce misunderstandings and builds emotional closeness.
How to improve communication for couples:
Improving communication in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight, but small, intentional steps can make a big difference. Here are some practical strategies couples can start using right away:
1. Pause Before Reacting
When emotions run high, it’s easy to say things you don’t mean. Take a breath or step back before responding. This creates space to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
2. Use “I” Statements
Instead of blaming your partner (“You never help with chores”), focus on your experience: “I feel overwhelmed when household tasks pile up.” This reduces defensiveness and invites understanding.
3. Schedule Check-Ins
Set aside time weekly or bi-weekly to talk about how things are going in your relationship. Use this space to discuss small frustrations, celebrate wins, and plan solutions together.
4. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
Really hear your partner’s perspective before jumping in with your own thoughts. Reflect back what you heard: “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because…” This helps both partners feel seen and validated.
5. Identify Patterns
Notice which topics always lead to tension: finances, parenting, and household responsibilities, and discuss why the same arguments keep happening. A therapist can help uncover the deeper emotions and assumptions behind these patterns.
6. Practice Gratitude and Appreciation
Small moments of acknowledgment go a long way. Expressing appreciation for each other’s efforts helps balance conflict with connection.
7. Seek Guidance from a Therapist
Sometimes, patterns are so ingrained that it’s hard to shift them alone. A couples therapist in Portland can help you identify emotional triggers, improve listening skills, and provide tools tailored to your unique relationship.
Finding Your Voice & Connection
Communication challenges are more common than you might think, and they don’t have to define your relationship. Working with a therapist can help you uncover why certain patterns keep repeating, understand what’s happening beneath the words, and learn tools to express yourself in a way that’s heard and respected.
Taking that first step isn’t about perfection; it’s about curiosity, courage, and a willingness to understand each other better.
Four Steps to a Stronger, Lasting Marriage Through Online Couples Counseling in Portland, Oregon
If you’re curious about what a therapy session actually looks like, take a moment to explore our guide to what to expect in a relationship therapy session. It walks you through the process, helps you prepare for your first meeting, and gives insight into how therapy can help you slow down, notice patterns, and practice tools that improve connection.
1) Reach Out to a Skilled Couples Therapist
Fill out our brief contact form, and one of our therapists will reach out within 24–48 hours (except holidays). In the meantime, you can explore FAQs and jot down any questions you’d like to ask during your first conversation.
2) Connect with a Therapist and Schedule Your Online Session
You’ll receive a call from one of our expert relationship therapists for a free 15-minute consultation. This is a chance to see if we’re the right fit. Once you’re ready, you can schedule your first online couples counseling session.
3) Share a Bit About Your Relationship
We’ll send you and your partner a secure intake form to provide some background on your relationship. This helps your therapist understand your unique situation, so your first session can be as effective and tailored to your needs as possible.
4) Attend Your First Online Couples Counseling Session
Your first session is mostly an assessment, but you’ll also start learning practical communication tools right away. Many couples feel a sense of relief after taking this step, knowing they’re moving toward a stronger, more connected relationship with guidance from a supportive therapist.
Other Services We Offer for Couples and Individuals
At Spark Relational Counseling, we provide a supportive, experiential approach to therapy that helps couples work through challenges and fosters individual growth. We combine evidence-based practices with experiential methods that encourage you to slow down, process difficult feelings, and build corrective emotional experiences.
Our services are available online across Oregon, Washington, and Illinois, specializing in:
Affair Recovery Therapy: Guidance and support for couples navigating the pain of infidelity, helping rebuild trust, process emotions, and determine the healthiest path forward together.
Premarital counseling: Helping engaged couples build a solid foundation before marriage by exploring expectations, values, and shared goals.
Multicultural counseling: Support that honors your cultural background, values, and unique experiences, including guidance for interracial couples, LGBTQ+ couples, and those navigating diverse cultural expectations.
Therapy for Women Navigating High Stress & Dating: Support for women balancing demanding careers, life transitions, and the complexities of dating, helping you set boundaries, process emotions, and build healthy relationships with yourself and others.
Therapy for Burnout for Busy Professionals or Entrepreneurs: Overwhelmed by work, life, and constant demands? Learn strategies to restore balance, set boundaries, and reconnect with what matters most.
