Can you fix poor communication in a relationship?
Ever feel like you’re talking, but your partner isn’t really hearing you? Or that the same arguments about chores, finances, or weekend plans keep circling back no matter how hard you try? You’re not imagining it; communication patterns can get stuck, and it’s easy to start feeling frustrated, alone, or even hopeless.
The encouraging part is that these patterns aren’t permanent; you can learn new ways to communicate and feel understood again.
Therapy is about uncovering why communication breaks down in the first place, understanding the emotions underneath the words, and learning how to connect in ways that actually work.
In this blog, we’ll explore why communication struggles happen, how couples therapy in Portland, OR can help you and your partner understand each other better, and practical steps to rebuild connection in your relationship.
Can a relationship survive without good communication?
While some relationships persist despite poor communication, it often comes at a cost; resentment, frustration, and emotional distance can quietly build over time. Partners might “get by” day-to-day, but without addressing how they share feelings, resolve conflicts, and connect emotionally, the relationship can feel like it’s running on autopilot.
Even if you love your partner deeply, poor communication can make it hard to feel truly seen, heard, and understood. When communication keeps breaking down, around finances, household responsibilities, intimacy, or feeling unseen, it’s easy to feel discouraged. You may start asking yourself, “Is it worth it to go to couples therapy, or are we just too far stuck in this pattern?
Is poor communication a reason to break up?
Poor communication doesn’t just make things uncomfortable today; it can quietly shape how you feel about each other months or years down the line. If left unchecked, small frustrations pile up, emotional distance grows, and you start wondering if staying together is even worth it.
If you’re asking yourself this, working with a relational therapist can give you the tools to communicate more effectively. You’ll learn how to break old patterns, express your needs without blame, and understand what’s happening beneath the surface of your interactions.
What is the root cause of poor communication?
Common underlying causes include:
Unmet emotional needs: When one or both partners feel unheard or undervalued, communication can break down.
Stress and burnout: Juggling work, family, and life responsibilities can make patience and active listening harder to sustain.Past experiences or trauma: Unresolved issues from childhood or past relationships can shape how you respond to conflict, sometimes without realizing it.
Different communication styles or cultural expectations: Partners may approach conversations with different norms, timing, or assumptions, leading to misunderstandings.
Can lack of communication ruin a relationship?
It can, especially when the lack of communication becomes the relationship’s default language.
Most relationships don’t fall apart because of one big fight. They unravel slowly. Conversations get shorter. Important things don’t get said. One partner stops bringing things up because it feels easier than explaining again. The other may not even realize something is wrong until the distance feels undeniable.
When communication breaks down, it’s not just words that are missing. It’s repair. It’s reassurance. It’s the ability to make decisions together, feel like a team, and trust that your partner understands you, or is at least trying to.
Over time, a lack of communication can turn into:
Ongoing misunderstandings that never fully get resolved
Resentment that quietly builds beneath the surface
Emotional distance that makes partners feel more like roommates
A sense of loneliness, even while being in the relationship
What makes this especially painful is that many couples are communicating—they’re just stuck in patterns that don’t lead anywhere. The same arguments keep resurfacing around parenting, household responsibilities, decision-making, or emotional needs, without anything actually changing.
This is where working with a relational therapist can make a real difference. Therapy helps slow these moments down and uncover what’s happening underneath the words: why one person shuts down, why the other keeps pushing, and how both partners are trying (often unsuccessfully) to protect the relationship.
How do you stop arguing in a relationship?
Most couples don’t actually want to stop being in an emotional dead-end; they want to stop the exhausting, circular arguments that leave both people feeling unheard and disconnected.
The truth is, arguing itself isn’t the problem. It’s how couples argue, what keeps getting missed, and what never gets repaired afterward.
Stopping the same arguments usually starts with shifting the focus from winning the fight to understanding what the fight is really about.
Here’s what actually helps:
Slow the moment down
Arguments escalate quickly when emotions take over. Learning how to pause—not to avoid the issue, but to regulate your nervous system—can change everything. When both partners feel calmer, conversations become less reactive and more productive.
Name the pattern, not just the topic
If you keep arguing about chores, finances, or parenting, there’s often something deeper underneath—feeling unappreciated, unsupported, or alone in the responsibility. Therapy helps couples recognize the cycle they’re stuck in, rather than blaming each other for the content of the fight.
Learn how to express needs without criticism
Many arguments are really about unmet needs that come out sideways. Instead of “You never help,” the underlying message might be “I’m overwhelmed and need support.” Learning how to communicate needs clearly can reduce defensiveness and invite collaboration.
Repair after conflict
Stopping arguments doesn’t mean never fighting, it means knowing how to come back together afterward. Repair can look like taking responsibility, offering reassurance, or acknowledging your partner’s experience, even if you see things differently.
Making Sense of Communication Patterns That Feel Stuck
When communication keeps breaking down, it’s natural to wonder what kind of support might actually help. Maybe you’ve tried talking things through on your own, reading articles, or giving each other space, yet the same misunderstandings keep resurfacing. At that point, many people start asking themselves, “What type of therapist is best for couples therapy?” or “Can a therapist help with communication?”.
Often, the most helpful support comes from a therapist who specializes in relational work, someone trained to notice not just what is being said, but what’s happening emotionally beneath the words. A relational or couples therapist helps slow conversations down, identify patterns that keep repeating, and create space for both partners to feel heard without defensiveness taking over.
Couples therapy is not about assigning blame or teaching scripted communication tricks. It’s about understanding how stress, past experiences, cultural expectations, and unmet needs show up in the way you talk to each other. When those deeper layers are addressed, communication can begin to feel more honest, connected, and less exhausting.
Four Steps to a Stronger, Lasting Marriage Through Couples Counseling in Portland, Oregon
1) Reach Out to a Skilled Couples Therapist
Fill out our brief contact form, and one of our therapists will reach out within 24–48 hours (except holidays). In the meantime, you can explore FAQs and jot down any questions you’d like to ask during your first conversation.
2) Connect with a Therapist and Schedule Your Online Session
You’ll receive a call from one of our expert relationship therapists for a free 15-minute consultation. This is a chance to see if we’re the right fit. Once you’re ready, you can schedule your first online couples counseling session.
3) Share a Bit About Your Relationship
We’ll send you and your partner a secure intake form to provide some background on your relationship. This helps your therapist understand your unique situation, so your first session can be as effective and tailored to your needs as possible.
4) Attend Your First Online Couples Counseling Session
Your first session is mostly an assessment, but you’ll also start learning practical communication tools right away. Many couples feel a sense of relief after taking this step, knowing they’re moving toward a stronger, more connected relationship with guidance from a supportive therapist.
Other Services We Offer for Couples and Individuals
At Spark Relational Counseling, we provide a supportive, experiential approach to therapy that helps couples work through challenges and fosters individual growth. We combine evidence-based practices with experiential methods that encourage you to slow down, process difficult feelings, and build corrective emotional experiences.
If you’re curious about what a therapy session actually looks like, take a moment to explore our guide to what to expect in a relationship therapy session. It walks you through the process, helps you prepare for your first meeting, and gives insight into how therapy can help you slow down, notice patterns, and practice tools that improve connection.
Our services are available online across Oregon, Washington, and Illinois, specializing in:
Affair Recovery Therapy: Guidance and support for couples navigating the pain of infidelity, helping rebuild trust, process emotions, and determine the healthiest path forward together.
Premarital counseling: Helping engaged couples build a solid foundation before marriage by exploring expectations, values, and shared goals.
Multicultural counseling: Support that honors your cultural background, values, and unique experiences, including guidance for interracial couples, LGBTQ+ couples, and those navigating diverse cultural expectations.
Therapy for Women Navigating High Stress & Dating: Support for women balancing demanding careers, life transitions, and the complexities of dating, helping you set boundaries, process emotions, and build healthy relationships with yourself and others.
Therapy for Entrepreneurs: Address the unique stressors of running a business, managing uncertainty, and maintaining relationships while pursuing your goals.
